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Tuesday, July 20, 2010

The main causes of unforgiveness in marriage! (3)

The main causes of unforgiveness in marriage! (3)
Infidelity and ex-partners: Infidelity in a marriage is the only thing that could kill a marriage with a supersonic speed! It harms the marriage both
spiritually and physically. The innocent partner is threatened both physically,emotionally and spiritually. If one is unfaithful to his partner,he is subjecting the innocent
partner to spiritual,physical and even security vulnerability. Imagine you discuss your private family things with your partner who is supposed to be the closest person to you. Your partner in turn turns to a ´´closest´´ person who is an extra-marital lover and relates it to him/her. Your privacy is violated and already outside in the enemy´s hands and you could be attacked and defeated by the enemy with ease because he/she has access to your secret and could even easily use your partner against you. This enemy can never look upon your partner with respect because he/she knows his/her privacy even more than he/she does. In a case like this,you are practically an enemy to your partner. The worst of them all are those whom,after marrying someone they lusted after,are so inconsistient to turn back to supposedly ex-partners they had fallen out with in the past. It is a marriage killer for your partner to realize that your ex-partners could actually woo you back while already married. Such a situation has the capability of giving you away as one who is feeble-minded or loose. If anybody thinks it is alright to keep on dealing communicating with ex-lovers in his/her marriage,then that person is morally ans spiritually decadent. What would you be nursing such a burning desire to discuss with an ex-lover? Is it over the children you had outside your relationship with him? What do you have in common? Illicit sex you had in the past?The bible says a man thinketh,so is he (Proverbs 23:6-7). From this point on,no matter how you may try to pretend or ´´repent´´,your partner may choose to be careful about you in the future. Such a situation where you are seen as a time-bomb can not improve intimacy in your marriage. Intimacy is the bonding glue for marriage and intimacy happens to depend greatly on trust! No trust,no intimacy,no marriage! If you did not marry as a virgin,it is bad enough; to start drawing your partner´s attention and personal ego into the reality of cheapening yourself before your ex-lovers whom you,in the first place refused to marry sends the message that you are cheap. No man or woman would want to rely on such a partner who is emotionally incostitient and does not have focus - having the tendency to swerve anytime to any side percievet at a particular time as ´´safe´´. Those who keep affairs outside,unknown to their spouses,especially the men,are only just creating a chance for their partners to be in gross danger! Such a lover could murder your wives or husbands at any given chance. If you are keeping an affair,you would be on the more realistic side to plan your partner´s funeral along in advance,because,if it has not happened,it is still about to,unless you stop the affair!Such an unreliable character could only attract a partner´s grudge. if you are determined for your marriage to work,there is wisdom in deliberate avoidance of all possible links to any ex-lovers and their relatives or friends. Stopping contact with an ex-lover and deliberately hanging around the way you percieve he or she could pass bye is not advisable either. Some people do this with the pretext of I did not go looking for him/her,he/she say me and said hello. This is the same as an adult woman following a man to his home and later complaining of rape. What other business did she have with him outside sex? Is he her brother? There are some who are so demonized that they continue with old relationships into their marriages and introduce their lovers/ex-lovers to their spouses as ´´cousins´´. These are all ungodly and dangerous!
Solution: stop this sin, confess it to your partner and ask for his/her forgiveness. I have never seen so many couples with this kind of problem survive it. It is a major marriage killer.
Resentment: Resentment could set into a marriage when one or both of the partners start to treat the other with annoyance,disrespect and percieved vengance because he/she thinks that the other partner has failed him or her. This is most particularly true with women - especially the foolish ones - who prefer to stay afar off and judge how good somebody (anothe man) is living just by the extent to which that man can impress them. If such a man was an ex-lover,they start trying to flirt with him until they discover that their husbands are actually better off. At this point,the stupid ones would already have bungled their hitherto happy homes by treating their husbands with resentment simply on the erratic assumption that they found a better man! Women,if you are wise and want to solve the problem in your marriage,the wisest thing to do is not to run away from such a marriage that you have already polluted or messed up. The bible talks about a good woman as one who builds her home and is not a disgrace to her husband(Proverbs 14) and (Proverbs 12:4). The solution is to stay in that marriage and correct your mistakes. If you think the solution is to run away from the damage and shame to a new marriage,you could only just be shooting yourself in the foot. It could be good with the new man in the beginning but bad attitudes have a way of hunting bad people down; your attitude would give you away and make the new man to ask questions about how you actually fared in your earlier marriage. Even if the other man were a better man and actually married you without asking,the same thing in you that pushed you to treat your earlier husband badly would still manifest because you would always be you. This would cause your new man to ask even worse questions than the first. Would you change marriages every week or year just to hide your inadequacis? Is it worth it? If you have gone this far as a woman,the wisest thing to do is to genuinely repent and ask for forgiveness while disengaging yourself totally from such lousiness and ungodliness. If not properly handled,such a character could promote grudges,unforgiveness and even impulsive actions. Click to read The main causes of unforgiveness in marriage! (4)
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By: Emmanuel and Blessing Agbo.

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