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Tuesday, July 20, 2010

The main causes of unforgiveness in marriage! (1)

The main causes of unforgiveness in marriage! (1)
Interest mongering: If a marriage is to succeed,individual interest is to be taken care of,or better still,eliminated as a matter of urgency. There should be no individual interest in marriage;rather,if
there is to be any form of interest,it should be collective interest. In some cultures,especially in economically deprived
ones,there is mostly this tendency of family members trying to coherse marriage partners towards selfish
defence of personal interest,especially pertaining to the extended families´ areas of selfish interest,caring less as to whether their son or daughter succeeds in marriage. In such situations,it is common practice to mis-educate whichever of the marriage partners that is related to them against the other. If the situation in a marriage begins to tilt towards this direction,it is almost certainly natural that the fairer of the parties who used to disregard his own interests for the benefit of all starts to retract his generous and carefree attitude. This situation could prove particularly difficult,if not impossible to repair. Result: grudge(s) is/are built!
It is important to not forget that marriage is more a covenant than a ceremony. Your covenant partner´s interest should be uppermost in your mind before any other. If this Godly notion of ´´your partner first´´ is adhered to,marriages will be conflict-free. See yourselves as one fighting towards a common goal (Gen. 2:24).
Secrecy: Doing virtually everything as if it is a closely-guided secret - from secret phone calls and email accounts to just about anything as simple as eating! Some spouces have such a sickening secretive nature that even a goat is forced to start wondering what it is that they are so desperately eager to conceal. If you are in this category then you could as well have been sending your spouse the signal that you could pounce on him with a suprise. As it were,nobody likes suprises. You would be preparing your spouse for the worst in your marriage! If you see marriage as the covenant that it is,you should see your partner as a part of you and one would naturally not see why you should want to keep secrets from yourself. It is only a stranger you are entitled to keep secrets from. And from all indications,your spouse is not and should not be a stranger to you,your plans and your activities. Infact,marriage partners should maintain common secrets. Christianity is based on light just as unGodly secrecy is based on darkness. If you are a christian,it is demanding that you conduct yourself in a way that would not be questionable to un-lookers. Transparency is light. And light leaves no room for wuestions;it is clear and not questionable. that is why the bible says that light drives darkness far away (John 1:5 ).
Insecerity and lack of trust: (Proverbs 12:22)´´The Lord detests lying lips, but delights in those who are truthful´´. It´s important to note that the glue to your marriage is openness and honesty. Your marriage is the one place that there should never be dishonesty. Never hide things from your spouse (text messages, email, passwords, etc). When you become unwilling to share these things, it’s a sign that something is NOT right.” Marriage is about intimacy, and insincerity and dishonesty kills intimacy. Be open and honest, it’s one of the greatest things you can give in marriage. If you are in a situation whereby each time you tell a ´´tale´´,it is worse and more un-reconcileable with real-life situations than the first,you are on the fastest lane towards ruining your marriage! As the saying goes,once bitten,twice shy. A man who often gets mis-informed by a source is less likely to turn to the same source for more information in the future. If you don´t catch my gist,I´m quite frankly talking about a permanent injury to marital confidence here. And a marriage without confidence equals a dangling or temporary marriage. At best it is a marriage of convenience! Click to read The main causes of unforgiveness in marriage! (2).

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By: Emmanuel and Blessing Agbo.

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