Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Unforgiveness and marriage!

Unforgiveness and marriage!
Why do people habour unforginess in marriage? This is a defiant question in christian marriages. One would ordinarily expect that marriage is full of love all the way! Well,most times,the devil does not,and has
not given it the free hand to be so. Christian marriages have unfortunately tilted more towards the afore-
mentioned ugly precipice. Why,because,the devil has found in most marriage partners,good guests at one time or the other to his ministration. The devil has realized that marriage is the root of the good virtues or bad omen for the future of society. Whatever takes place in the marriage or family directly impacts the lives of the children who are products of a marriage. Whatever is inculcated in the children affects the future of society which is going to be an extension of the future leadership of such children. There are two partners in every marriage and the devil has been able to discover that these two partners have - in most cases - diverse backgrounds and interests that some of them consider to be more passionate to hold on to, than the success of their marriages. What else? The devil cashes in on the identified weaknesses and differences to pitch the partners against one another. He sends evil friends and family members their ways to re-invigorate their commitment to secure their vain individual interests. In all these,we humans forget that God has a manual for our marriages. The Bible says the two shall become one (Gen. 2:24) "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh´´. God is saying here that different parties from different backgrounds who have married have become not a party of two people but ´´one person´´ with all interests and pursuits merged together as one. If we have been merged together,for what then do we seek individual interests? Whose interests are we fighting over? Well there are certain actions that one party could take in a marriage to trigger unforgiveness in the other partner. Unforgiveness mostly arises when one or more of the marriage parties feel grossly cheated and the feeling develops into a grudge. A grudge is, according to the Oxford Advanced Learner´s Dictionary,´´a feeling of anger or dislike towards somebody because of something bad they have done to you in the past´´. From the simple definition above,we could easily reason that,if a grudge is allowed to become constant,it grows into unforgiveness. A misunderstanding grows into a grudge after the begrudged party has made several attempts to communicate his or her feeling of pain resulting from the other party´s actions or inactions without a due response or resolution of the point of conflict. At this stage,different people respond in different ways to such a situation. There is no guaranteed way of human response. Guaranteed is that there would be breach of peace that would result in disaffection within the relationship! In order for us to be able to identify and avoid commiting the errors that lead to unforgiveness,let us examine some root causes of grudges in a christian marriage. The following errors,if allowed to degenerate into (frequent) habits,they could easily lead to grudges and unforgiveness. Some of them are: click to read The main causes of unforgiveness in marriage! (1)


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By: Emmanuel and Blessing Agbo.

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